2017 UPDATE

We are officially on the 15th day of 2017. 2016 was a rough year to say the least. Bryant’s diagnosis was a hard-hitting moment about halfway through the year.

He had surgery on December 9th to place a defibrillator and his heart doctors are not releasing him to go back to work. They both say that the low ejection fraction of his heart and the weakness he feels from the condition and the medication he has to take, that he is no longer able to work.

With that being said we are now a one income family until he gets approved for disability. They say it can take anywhere between 1 month to maybe 6 months for the first time. If he isn’t approved we then have to get a lawyer…like we have money for that.

We are also now a one CAR family because we can not pay both payments with my little income. So we are starting 2017 off on a tight budget. If anyone knows how to coupon or save money, please feel free to message me or comment because I need help.

My child is talking up a storm. I worried for the longest time if there wasn’t something wrong with her because she wasn’t talking like other kids her age. Just as how I worried about her not walking and everything else. The thing with kids, I have learned is, they will do everything on THEIR time. Not when other kids do it or when a book says they will do it. Whenever they are ready, the are ready.

She is loving her library school class. Now that Daddy isn’t working, he has been going with us to class and she loves having him there and so does Mommy.

In the reading side of things, I have placed my goal at 200 books this year. Currently I have read 13!

 

I am thinking about beginning to write. I have this crazy dream of being a writer. To write someone who people will read and have to close the book and stare off into space to comprehend the awe that was my book. Hey, a girl can dream right?

 

To the love of my life,

It’s 3 AM and I’m awake. I can’t help but to lay here and watch you sleep in the glow of the night.

Your hair all a mess, your long eyelashes and pursed lips. A scab on your right arm from where you have scratched it. 

When I see you sleeping all I can think about is how perfect you are. How was I blessed to be your Mommy? 

I wish I could freeze time and keep you two years old. Everyday you learn a new word. Everyday you learn something new about this world. 

God, how I pray for you. I pray that you are happy and will always be. I pray that you will grow and learn and be smart. I pray for your future. For when you are grown and don’t need me as much. I pray for the times I have to be apart from you. How I wish I could be a stay at home mom. I pray for your safety and your health. 

I watch you laying next to me and watch your chest rise and fall with each breath. I recall a time when I wondered if you be able to breath on your own at all when you were in the NICU. Back then, when you were so small and so sick, I wondered if we would make it this far and I am so blessed we have. 

I know I gave birth to you, but you were the one who gave me life. The day you entered into this world was the first day my eyes were truly open.I learnt what love was on that day.Who knew it was possible to love this much? 

There isn’t a second that goes by that you are not on my mind. I wish I could slow down time so you can be little and stay in my arms forever.

There is going to come a day were you won’t want Mommy to hold you. A day is coming that you will be too big for me to pick you up and carry you. To hold you against my chest when you cry. One day, when you are a teenager we are going to fight and you are going to tell me you hate me because I won’t let you wear red lipstick, dye your hair purple or go out with your friends. I am not sure my heart can take it.

I want cherish all the moments we have together. All of the hugs and kisses. I want to remember everytime we cuddle and every time you giggle and smile. I wish there was a way to save every single memory with you in my mind, so that years from now, I can look back and remember everything. How it felt to watch you grow. 

Tonight before bed, I read to you. We read Dr. Seuss. We played on the couch, Mommy and Daddy pretending to be monkeys to make you smile and giggle. We tickled you and kissed you. 

Sometimes, I wonder if we are doing this parenting thing right. There are days were I feel like a failure over the little things. Like tonight, you feel asleep before we brushed your teeth. I feel like I should always remember things like that. 

If there’s one thing I hope I do right, it’s I hope you never have to wonder if your Mommy loves you. I hope you will grow up and look back and think, “Wow, Mom worked so hard for me and she loved me more than anything.”

No matter how hard life gets or how hard we are struggling, I hope we will always put you first and get you all you need. I pray we can give you the best life and childhood possible. Love you more than you know, 

Mommy

Today was a BIG Day

Today was a very big day for my little girl. My daughter, who is two and an only child has never really been around that many other children. She does have an adoptive cousin that is the same age as her, who of course is her best friend, but other than that she has not been exposed to other kids.

She enjoys them though, every time we go to the park or anywhere really where there is another child, she tries to engage them. Which gives me hope that maybe she will end up being the complete opposite of me. I have major social anxiety. I get nervous even speaking to people I have known my whole life.

Anyways, today was a very big day. Today was her very first day of Library School. This was also Mommy’s first day. I, as a child, never went to any of the library programs.

There were only three other children in her class and they were all slightly older than her. The class began with a story time with the teacher reading two small books to them about Alligators. Alligators because it begins with the letter ‘A’. They then sang songs and did craft projects, followed by more songs and we were able to use our new library cards to check out new books.

I was very proud of Brylynn, although she was a wiggle butt the whole class, she did really well. She would rather watch her neighbor color than color her own pictures, but I figure she was just trying to get a feel of the other kids. She and I made a alligator puppet out of a paper bag, that is now sitting proudly on our fridge.

On our way home, we went over our ‘ABC’s’ and she did a really good job reciting back some of the letters that she could.

When we came home this afternoon, before bedtime, she actually let me read her some of the books we checked out. It was a great bonding experience for us and I was able to witness my child grow.

The featured photo is of Mr. Alligator, who unfortunately lost an eye on the way home, but no worries! I found a stick of glue in our cabinet and fixed him right up! He now has 20/20 vision again.